CLEAR YOUR MIND OF KANT!
(apologies to Samuel Johnson)
The author recently attended a philosophy course at The School of Economic Science,
but found it to be a front for the Advaita Hindu cult. It advocates ‘clearing the mind
to acquire true wisdom'---or more correctly, to allow brainwashing to take place!
I sit cross-legged on the dew-kissed ground,
Upon the Maharishi's mystic mound;
Where by osmosis, Karma fills my brain,
Which I have cleared of cant (and hype!) again.
This Lotus squat position truly is,
The fast-track answer biz to life's great quiz.
But Sikhs it not in some Guru-some way,
Nor on the Buddhist Road to Mandalay!
Thus as per my Advaita peers and seers;
I've squatted here alone some twenty years;
My empty mind a form of catalyst,
Whereby I morph into a physicist!
I've cleared all of the quirks inside my mind,
My transcendental Quarks are all aligned; (1)
I with complete uncertainty, recall,
Young Werner Heisenberg's famed principle. (2)
The Sutras in my cranial cavity,
Contain all 'Special Relativity';
And 'Quantum Wave-Form Non-Duality',
Along with 'Kant's Space-Time Causality'!
I am, therefore, each Solar day, forsooth,
Pursuing passive pathways to the truth;
That's why each Lunar night I meditate,
To blindly let Advaiters choose my fate.
My mind now drifts through wormholes into space,
And fully brainwashed, I now know my place!
My Dharma lies in every shooting star,
And I know that Nirvana isn't far.
I am reborn the teardrop of a god,
My mind erased in a celestial pod;
My unity has now become diverse,
In fact, I am now Mr Universe.
This party humbled so by Natural Law,
That I'm now Yogic Flying in my awe; (3)
With Vedic wisdom and truth the result,
Of my submission to this blessed cult!
(1) Quark—a sub-atomic particle.
(2) Werner Heisenberg formulated his Uncertainty Principle at 26.
(3) Attempting to fly whilst squatting- -see the Natural Law Party.
© Richard Layton