CLEAR YOUR MIND OF KANT! (weekly poem)

CLEAR YOUR MIND OF KANT!

(apologies to Samuel Johnson)

The author recently attended a philosophy course at The School of Economic Science,

but found it to be a front for the Advaita Hindu cult. It advocates ‘clearing the mind

to acquire true wisdom'---or more correctly, to allow brainwashing to take place!

I sit cross-legged on the dew-kissed ground,

Upon the Maharishi's mystic mound;

Where by osmosis, Karma fills my brain,

Which I have cleared of cant (and hype!) again.

This Lotus squat position truly is,

The fast-track answer biz to life's great quiz.

But Sikhs it not in some Guru-some way,

Nor on the Buddhist Road to Mandalay!

Thus as per my Advaita peers and seers;

I've squatted here alone some twenty years;

My empty mind a form of catalyst,

Whereby I morph into a physicist!

I've cleared all of the quirks inside my mind,

My transcendental Quarks are all aligned; (1)

I with complete uncertainty, recall,

Young Werner Heisenberg's famed principle. (2)

The Sutras in my cranial cavity,

Contain all 'Special Relativity';

And 'Quantum Wave-Form Non-Duality',

Along with 'Kant's Space-Time Causality'!

I am, therefore, each Solar day, forsooth,

Pursuing passive pathways to the truth;

That's why each Lunar night I meditate,

To blindly let Advaiters choose my fate.

My mind now drifts through wormholes into space,

And fully brainwashed, I now know my place!

My Dharma lies in every shooting star,

And I know that Nirvana isn't far.

I am reborn the teardrop of a god,

My mind erased in a celestial pod;

My unity has now become diverse,

In fact, I am now Mr Universe.

This party humbled so by Natural Law,

That I'm now Yogic Flying in my awe; (3)

With Vedic wisdom and truth the result,

Of my submission to this blessed cult!

(1) Quark—a sub-atomic particle.

(2) Werner Heisenberg formulated his Uncertainty Principle at 26.

(3) Attempting to fly whilst squatting- -see the Natural Law Party.

© Richard Layton