(apologies to Bob Dylan)
When Britain leaves the EU club, we’ll gain the upper hand,
As they’ll all rush to trade with us, so won’t life be just grand!
Their orchestra cannot compete, with our small one-man band,
And with no European Court, we’ve got some rum deals planned!
The Krauts will do most anything, to try and make amends,
And emphasise our Saxon links, so we remain their friends;
All their exporters will want to, expand their dividends,
And thus are desperate to flog, us more Mercedes-Benz.
The Frogs and their wine industry, could face oblivion,
If Britain’s boozers all eschew, their glass of Sauvignon.
They’ll even eat our food to keep, relationships, “Très bon”!
And it’ll be the opposite, of a de Gaulle-like “Non”! (1)
And as for poor old Italy, Ferrari will go broke,
As we’ve got the Fiesta for, all those that want some poke.
So our car firms (like British Leyland) won’t collapse and choke,
We’ll flog Reliant Robins using mirrors, fumes and smoke!
We’ll call the shots on Brexit terms, so they’re, “Red, white and blue”,
And kid all those daft Brexiteers, who haven’t got a clue;
That better days are on their way (if only it were true!)
Whereas for their stupidity, they’re gonna get what’s due.
And if all fails we have at least, a second valid choice,
And that’s the bribery techniques, perfected by Rolls-Royce; (2)
It’s cost them millions in fines, but still we can rejoice,
As Del Boy can sell jets and cars, with one trustworthy voice!
We’ll cherry-pick the best deals so, that Britain’s got it made,
And ‘have our cake and eat it’ as, ‘leaked’ by a Tory aide; (3)
The EU states outnumber us but they’ll kill for our trade,
According to Farage and all, the Brexiteer Brigade.
Yes Britain holds all the ‘Trump cards’, if you’ll forgive the pun,
We’ll put our trust in Donald if, you think old England’s done;
And wave the Union Jack until, the battle has been won,
But ‘til then have to stomach all, the bullshit being spun!
(1) Gen. de Gaulle blocked Britain’s attempts to join the EEC.
(2) Rolls-Royce have been fined £671m on bribery charges.
They blamed agents but lobbied Blair to weaken bribery curbs.
(3) The Press photographed written notes carried by a Tory aide.
© Richard Layton