Tuesday, June 19, 2018

LETSBY AVENUE! (weekly poem)

(A Fuzzy Fantasy)

In some areas, because of Government cutbacks, the Police
have  given-up investigating burglaries and are asking the
victims to solve the crime. London's detection rate is 5.5%.

I live in Letsby Avenue,
(The old ones are the best!)
And after being burgled as,
No burglar had confessed,
I was asked to investigate,
And then make the arrest.

“ 'Allo, 'allo, wot 'ave we 'ere”,
To myself, I then said;
“The two of us, both me and I,
Must put this case to bed,
So victim and detective, (us!)
Can rest our weary head”.

So I interrogated me,
With the housebreaker's cosh,
The Constable had left behind,
So I made up some tosh,
As the insurance paid on crime,
Amounted to real dosh!

So after I had punched and kicked,
Myself quite black and blue,
I then admitted to myself,
That all of it was true,
That I had burgled my own house,
But hadn't left a clue.

I took myself to Scotland Yard,
Locked myself in a cell,
I then beat-up myself again,
It was a living hell;
But I'd removed a thug from my,
Own street for a long spell!

© Richard Layton

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