Tuesday, August 23, 2016

AMBER RUDD--WAITING FOR THE GREEN LIGHT! (weekly poem)

AMBER RUDD--WAITING FOR THE GREEN LIGHT!
(Dominus, dominatrix, dominum)

The new Home Secretary, Amber Rudd, commenting
on post-Brexit vote xenophobia made the unfortunate
statement that, “Hate crime must be stamped out”.

We must show hate-crime criminals,
That brute force doesn’t pay;
By being strong and disciplined,
In every kind of way.
We’ll show by being firm with them,
How justice serves us all;
And how jail Bible classes can,
Help save them from a fall.

But with my brand new policy,
I’ll stretch them on the rack;
And with my friend, Ann Widdecombe,
We’d give them all a smack.
I personally would whip them if,
Such things were left to me;
Such thoughts bring out the beast in one,
But oh the ecstasy !

I’d put them in a Scissor Hold, (1)
And crush them with my thighs;
And then I‘d put a Headlock on, (1)
To squeeze out both their eyes.
I’d tie them up and strip them in,
My legalistic lust;
Then choke them with my corset straps, (2)
To prove in God we trust.

Oh gosh! to be so dominant,
And kick men into touch;
It is (gasp!) so orgasmic when,
One knees them in the crutch!
I’d give them a good kicking to,
Ensure these louts conform;
And demonstrate State thuggery,
Is the one decent norm.
And if war breaks out once again,
We’ll call them up to serve;
So all those beastly foreigners,
Get that which they deserve!

(1) Wrestling holds.

(2) Optional for male Home Secretaries.

© Richard Layton

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