THE QUEEN’S 90th BIRTHDAY
I’ve served you more than sixty years,
And that’s been a big ask;
Who else would suffer like your Queen,
In spite of my phlegmatic mien,
For this important task?
Who else could Troop the Colour and
Do vital jobs like that;
Of watching regimental goats,
Whilst wearing quite expensive coats,
Each with a different hat?
Such work is so important to,
The British nation state;
I can’t think why republics have,
Flushed down their general public lav,
Their monarchies of late!
They surely must have kindred chores,
Essential to their needs;
Like Coronations, Jubilees,
And knighting knobheads on their knees,
And other crucial deeds.
Indeed my job’s so onerous,
That I’ve been known to pine;
To swap my job and join real folk,
As they try to pay off their yoke,
On Ford’s production line.
The banquets in Buck House each week,
Become a trifle bland;
I’d rather have a Council House,
With big Phil as my drunken spouse,
Because it sounds so grand.
I’d play at being unemployed
And worry ‘bout the rent;
And then we all could put a lid,
On the two-hundred million quid,
That every year is spent.
Upon a useless fantasy,
That idiots pretend;
Is something other than a farce,
That reinforces social class,
And’s something to defend!
(1) The official cost of the monarchy is said to be about
£40 million per annum but according to ‘Republic’ with
security and other costs the real figure is £200 million.
© Richard Layton