OH! I DO LIKE TO BE BESIDE THE SEASIDE! (weekly poem)

OH! I DO LIKE TO BE BESIDE THE SEASIDE!

(apologies to John A. Glover-Kind)

Clacton MP, Douglas Carswell, has resigned from UKIP but

says this time he will not resign his seat and force another

by-election as the situation has, “changed since last time”.

Oh! I do like to be beside the seaside,

Oh! I do like to be beside the sea!

I do like to stroll upon the Prom, Prom, Prom,

Where Mods & Rockers ask, “Where’ve you crawled from?”   

So just let me be beside the seaside,  

Where I get paid to take the pee,

I was dragged in by the tide,       

And should run away and hide, 

Beside the seaside, beneath the sea! 

Oh! I do like to be beside the seaside,

Oh! I do like to be beside the sea! 

I do like to roll along the Pier, Pier, Pier, 

Where my UKIP friends say, “The berk’s still here!” 

So just let me be beside the seaside, 

Where I get paid as your MP, 

And there’s lots more folk beside, 

Who I’ve taken for a ride,

Beside the seaside—you’ll all agree! 

Oh! I do like to be beside the seaside,

I do like to lie upon the sand,

I’d like to pay (by cheque!) another sub, sub, sub,

To re-join the Tories in their club, club, club; 

So just let me be beside the seaside,

And spending all my seventy-odd grand, (1)

And there’s lots of clubs beside,

Where I also have applied, 

Beside the seaside--but I’ve been banned! 

Oh! I don’t like to be beside the seaside,  

I don’t like the migrants in each wave!

I don’t like the coons, who think they’ve got it made,

“Buckets for the Brits!”, the spades should all be spayed,     

So I’m “beside myself” beside the seaside,   

I snarl lopsidedly and rave,

And there’s lots of things beside, 

That will make me burn inside, 

Beside the seaside, until my grave!

(1) An MP’s annual salary.

© Richard Layton