I MUST GO DOWN TO CLACTON ON SEA… (poem)

(Apologies to John Masefield for updating his ‘Sea Fever’)



28/8/14. Clacton Tory MP, Douglas Carswell, has resigned and

will re-stand as UKIP’s candidate in the forthcoming by-election.



I must go down to Clacton on Sea, to spout some pie in the sky,

For it’s my task to tell tall tales and talk some blah thereby,

And I’ll kiss babies and engage, in lots of bland handshaking,

And I’ll wear a rictus grin, to show that I‘m not faking.



I must go down to Frinton on Sea, to stem the Tory tide,

With lots of gall and the sort of bull I‘ve previously denied,

And I shall bask in loads of wind and more than just white lying,

And waves of patriotic bilge to really get them crying. 


I must go down to Jaywick and see, sea shanty township life, (1)  

To the Tory way and the Lib-Dem way, where life is rife with strife,

And all I ask is they heed my yarn, to put myself in clover, (2)

And hope they’ll sleep in their bad dream and once again roll-over.  



I must go down to Holland on Sea, where the oldies limp around,

Before their caskets are filled-up, some six-feet underground,

And I shall tell them whilst I try, to block out mocking laughter, 

That they’ll reach UKIP’s paradise, ahead of the hereafter! 



(1) In the Indices of Deprivation 2010, an area of Jaywick was

identified as the single most deprived LSOA in all of England,

out of around 32,000, with unemployment estimated at almost 50%.



(2) During the 2009 expenses scandal, the Daily Telegraph published his

expenses showing he had claimed, amongst other things, a £655 ‘love seat’

and had flipped his second home to avoid capital gains taxation.



© Richard Layton