THE CONNING TOWER CON! (weekly poem)

 THE CONNING TOWER CON!

The Government has reluctantly admitted that none of

Britain’s ‘Nuclear Deterrent’ submarines are operational.

Gad Sir! Those Johnnie Foreigners,

Have got us by the throat;

As Britain’s has no submarines,

At present time afloat!

All of our underwater fleet,

Is laid-up in dry-dock;

And being renovated in,

A race against the clock.

So our ‘Deterrent’ seems to be,

Completely, ‘All at sea’;

And yes, ironically, it is,

Thanks to the M.O.D.!

CHORUS

Is that a conning tower we see,

Upon the salty main?

Or is it just a figment of,

Sir Michael Fallon’s brain? (1)

How to defend this sceptics isle,

This berth of travesty;

If all our bleedin’ submarines,

Are tied up at the quay?

We could call on the Home Guard to,

Put on their marching shoes;

And sing that old Bud Flanagan,

‘Dad’s Army Hitler Blues’! (2)

Then the Marines could put to sea,

In Butlin Pedaloes;

And see how the next Falklands War,

And fight for Goose Green goes! (3)

(1) Britain’s Defence Minister.

(2) In 1968, Bud Flanagan recorded ’Who do you think you are

kidding, Mr Hitler?’ — the ‘Dad’s Army’ TV series theme tune.

(3) Major battle in the Falklands War. 27/28^th May 1982.

© Richard Layton