THE QUEEN’S 90th BIRTHDAY (poem)

THE QUEEN’S 90^th BIRTHDAY

I’ve served you more than sixty years,

And that’s been a big ask;

Who else would suffer like your Queen,

In spite of my phlegmatic mien,

For this important task?

Who else could Troop the Colour and

Do vital jobs like that;

Of watching regimental goats,

Whilst wearing quite expensive coats,

Each with a different hat?

Such work is so important to,

The British nation state;

I can’t think why republics have,

Flushed down their general public lav,

Their monarchies of late!

They surely must have kindred chores,

Essential to their needs;

Like Coronations,  Jubilees,

And knighting knobheads on their knees,

And other crucial deeds.

Indeed my job’s so onerous,

That I’ve been known to pine;

To swap my job and join real folk,

As they try to pay off their yoke,

On Ford’s production line.

The banquets in Buck House each week,

Become a trifle bland;

I’d rather have a Council House,

With big Phil as my drunken spouse,

Because it sounds so grand.

I’d play at being unemployed

And worry ‘bout the rent;

And then we all could put a lid,

On the two-hundred million quid,

That every year is spent.

Upon a useless fantasy,

That idiots pretend;

Is something other than a farce,

That reinforces social class,

And’s something to defend!

(1) The official cost of the monarchy is said to be about

£40 million per annum but according to ‘Republic’ with

security and other costs the real figure is £200 million.

© Richard Layton