HANKY (S)PANKY! (weekly poem)

HANKY (S)PANKY!

Media Secretary, John Whittingale’s liaison with a Dominatrix

went unreported in the Press whilst they printed similar stories.

“Don’t turn again, John Whittingale”,

Hints a Press in cahoots, (1)

“It’s we who hold the whip-hand now,

Not Dommes in latex-suits,

Remember we played dumb with your,

‘Miss Whiplash in Thigh Boots’”.

The Gutter Press are kidding us,

That they have changed their ways,

And that we simple citizens,

Can look to better days;

With privacy their main concern--

Not publishing what pays.

Most readers of the Tabloid Press,

Will find it very hard,

Without their daily dose of dregs,

From Rupert M. de Sade.

From now on we can all expect,

Quotations from the Bard!

No more lewd tales of covens in,

The Women’s Institute;

Or skinny-dipping with the Guides,

For each new Scout recruit,

Who’s woggles wiggled as Brown Owl,

Swam in her birthday suit!

The Minister could force the Press,

To yield to Levenson,

Which may explain why they’ve kept shtum,

About his liaison;

And not as they now falsely claim,

They’ve crossed the Rubicon.

But meanwhile, John, to stay on-board,

The Government’s own ship,

You should avoid BDSM,

And maybe have, ‘The Snip’.

And then in future just submit,

To your own Party Whip!

(1) The Press accused ‘Hacked Off’ of hypocrisy for revealing the story,

citing ‘breach of privacy’ (Sic!) but the latter say they did so because

of the ‘public interest’ in the Press’s attempt to influence the Minister.

© Richard Layton