♪ ͞♪ “I GOT A PAL NAMED PHONY MORONI!” ♪ ͞♪
(After the Larry Williams song of similar title.)
Many Mormons have quit the church because
of its ban on gays and same-sex marriage .
The Angel showed one Joseph Smith,
The rumoured Golden Plates; (1)
And shortly after they appeared,
They opportunely disappeared,
To meet their many fates.
Smith a convicted con-man was, (2)
A lag with many debts;
But all such monies overdue,
Were paid off by his faithful few,
To offset legal threats.
A man of many wives and kids, (3)
That Mormons now do not deny,
His sensuous religious high,
And earthly bigamy!
But what they do deny is Smith,
Was nothing but a crook;
But claim he met a prophets fate,
And as such entered heaven’s gate,
Like those in the Good Book. (4)
One Brigham Young led Mormons to,
Their home in Utah and;
Earned statehood as ‘Officially’,
Although somewhat ostensibly,
Polygamy was banned! (5)
Tobacco, caffeine, alcohol,
All Mormons must eschew;
Thus having lots of concubines,
(Despite the cost of Valentines)
Helps stop them feeling blue!
So being gay’s no option for,
A Latter Day Church Saint;
As all this servicing means men,
Are knackered, and have lost the yen--
Which acts as a constraint!
(1) According to Smith, the Angel Moroni showed him
some Golden Plates from which he copied ‘The Book
of Mormon’- the plates then completely disappeared.
(2) Joseph Smith had over 30 criminal actions brought
against him and is thought to have been arrested 42 times.
(3) Wikipedia lists 50 possible wives and 11 children.
(4) Smith was murdered by a mob whilst in jail. Mormons
claim he was martyred like the old Biblical prophets.
(5) The Mormons ‘officially’ renounced polygamy in
1890 to get the Government to grant Utah statehood,
but many Mormon groups continued the practice.
© Richard Layton