THE UNITED KINGDOM IGNORAMUSES PARTY! (poem)

THE UNITED KINGDOM IGNORAMUSES PARTY!

Go back home Johnny Foreigner,

You’re taking all our jobs;

This land is for the British Folk,

And not you foreign slobs. 

Before you came to Britain’s shores,

There was no poverty;

And unemployment was unknown,

And things were nearly free!

It’s true that rickets wasn’t rare,

But as a rule of thumb;

Most families were quite content,

To rent their own small slum. 

In Britain’s hallowed Empire days,

There was no working class;

Complaining ‘bout food shortages,

When immigrants were sparse.

The E.U. is responsible,

For Britain’s many queers;

Bubonic Plague, bad weather and,

Those rotten lager beers.

In fact it must be said today,

(And it’s no UKIP fad)

That Europe is the only cause ,

Of everything that’s bad!

And though we’re all descended from,

The Normans and Scots;                                

The Celts, Iberians and Norse, (1)

And Frenchie Huguenots, (2) 

Us Anglo-Saxons solely are,

The true “Britisches volk”;

Don’t mention we’re from Germany,

Or tell Farage the joke! (2)

(1) After the last Ice Age, an unoccupied

Britain was settled by European peoples …

(2)…including (much later) Nigel Farage’s

French Huguenot ancestors.

Farage’s wife is German.

(‘Huguenots’ can be pronounced as

‘Hugh-ger-knows’ or ‘Hugh-ger-nots’.)

© Richard Layton