WHISKY (& HAGGIS & PORRIDGE) GALORE! (poem)

WHISKY (& HAGGIS & PORRIDGE) GALORE!
(Apologies to Compton Mackenzie & Ealing Films)

(The SNP claims that Scottish independence will
mean voters will be £10 per week better off!)

An ‘independent’ Scotland, would
In theory be quite nice;
Like Hogmanay on every day-
A Highland paradise!
According to the SNP,
This Shangri-La on earth;
Awaits the referendum vote,
To launch its virgin birth.

Scots be awaur! The Salmond and                                      
The Sturgeon love to scheme; (1)
One’s like a Pike, the other’s like,
A Catfish full of cream!
Baith leaders have undoubtedly,
Some fishy things to fry;
As they attempt to flog the myth
Of Scottish Bali Hai. (2)

Avuncular and feline, they
Respectively may be;
But baith would sell their Màthair’s for, (3)
A suitable wee fee!
And of their independence cry,
“Away the Sassenachs”,
They very rarely do allow,
Intrusion of the facts.

An independent Scotland could,
Quite easily become;
Another Celtic Tiger like,
Poor Ireland, then succumb.
Like most small nations on the earth,
There is no guarantee;
That gaining ‘independence’ means,
Its people will be ‘free’.

But Scots folk have a secret that,
Is fiscally unique;
Their new found freedom could be worth,
At least ten quid a week.
So all you William Wallaces,
Revolting in the hills;
This extra Tenner will resolve,
All Scotland’s social ills!

(1) SNP Leader Alex Salmond & Deputy
Nicola Sturgeon.

(2) An exotic island paradise in the musical,
South Pacific, barred to ordinary troops—
an always unattainable place of happiness.

(3) Scottish Gaelic for Mother.

© Richard Layton