This questionnaire was sent to a Party member by the government/psychiatrist to assess whether her mother was eligible for a new drug brought out for advanced stage Alzheimers Disease. This was her response.
Which term best explains what you do? Paid work, Voluntary work, Sheltered work, Homemaker, Not working, Education/Training. Ticked Not working
What do you do? Eat and sleep. I am 85 years old for goodness sake!!!
How many hours a week? 24/7 Time off for tea breaks.
How long have you been doing this? 10 years
Have you any qualifications, completed a course/training or served an apprenticeship? If yes, what and when? Advanced Diploma in eating and appetite satisfying. Trainee in sleeping 24 hours a day.
What jobs have you done before? Army, clerical, personnel, housewife, mother, wife, cook, cleaner, laundry woman, expert knitter, inexpert seamstress, cat massager, blackhead squeezer.
Do you have any hobbies or interests? Eating and sleeping, watching TV but I also do abseiling, deep sea diving, stunt woman tricks, parachuting, off-piste skiing and rodeo cowgirl (in my dreams!)
Can you see yourself in paid or voluntary work, or education or training? I would like to complete my degree in sleeping, followed by an Advanced PhD in eating plums whole and producing the stone 2 hours later (from my mouth) in company.
What do you want to do in the future? Eat and sleep.
Have you thought how you would do this? I just shut my eyes or open my mouth.
Is there anything you want to add? Zzzzzz.....
Please indicate your current living arrangements Home owner, Tenant housing association, Tenant- private landlord, living with family member, sheltered accommodation, no fixed abode, other. Ticked home owner and living with family member.
Who filled out this form? My cynical daughter
Signature VC xxxOOOxxx