The ramblings of an old fart in Heaven.
I’m speaking to all you young folk,
From way beyond the grave;
To let you know that heaven is,
A right, real, royal, rave.
We spend all of eternity,
Just listening to harps;
That all play in the Key of C,
So there’s no Flats or Sharps!
On every Sunday (for a change!)
We lustily sing Hymns;
But lack of choirboys means their parts, (1)
Are sung by Cherubims!
So here’s a warning to you all,
It’s really not too late;
Don’t let the Devil drag you down,
Don’t lust or fornicate!
Remember too much sex can cause,
One feebleness of mind;
And all our priests will too, confirm,
That it can make you blind.
So if you must commit a sin,
By having filthy sex;
Do it in moderation and,
Wear a strong pair of specs!
The best thing that young men can do,
Is to become a Scout;
Cold showers and the Bible will,
Keep vile temptation out!
Call older people like me “Sir”,
Because you’re still a youth;
Salute the Union Jack each day,
And do not be uncouth.
But as I speak I must admit,
This death is oh so slow;
And I am tempted just to think,
What’s going down below!
In Hell their playing their guitars,
No rotten harps or lyres;
Oh how I wish I’d sinned much more,
And joined them in Hell’s Fires!
(1) Assuming people are not in the same mental and physical condition
they were at death, at what arbitrary age is one on reaching heaven
to enjoy an eternity of pleasure with 72 virgins (or white Raisins?!!!)
© Richard Layton