WOULD YOU ADAM AND EVE IT?! (weekly poem)

WOULD YOU ADAM AND EVE IT?!

A Cambridge museum's medieval court painting

of Adam and Eve has had their nudity restored

after being overpainted by a Christian prude.

The great God of the Christian faith;

Who's something of a prude,

“Is most concerned what humans do,

Especially when nude”; (1)

And can't 'bare' such behaviour,

In case it's rude and crude!

With billions of galaxies,

To polish and to shine,

Jehovah's main concern is still,

To stifle His design;

Of all our naughty bits so He,

Can make us toe the line.

Thus only procreative sex,

Is Kosher when unclad,

And would-be Mums must all ensure,

They're married to the Dad;

As every other act whilst stripped,

He classifies as bad.

All other times we must subdue,

Our gross God-given urge,

And not indulge in sinful sex,

A lust we must submerge;

Or with His love on Judgement Day,

We'll suffer in His purge!

So all aspiring 'Humanoids',

For you to live sin-free,

Buy consecrated Bromide Pills,

And drop them in your tea,

Then pray to Him you're not the cause,

Of further Bastardy!

(1) Humorous comment by the American philosopher, Sam Harris.

© Richard Layton