BRITISH IS BEST! (weekly poem)

BRITISH IS BEST!

People often make such claims out of sheer

dogmatism but never present any evidence.

The British Justice System is,

The finest on this Earth;

Just listen as those wrongly nicked,

(By a Fuzz desperate to convict!)

Collapse in their deep mirth! (1)

The British Army is the best,

Trained force that you will find;

But don't expect those tortured to,

Reply in a pink billet-doux,

With words that are quite kind. (2)

The British Navy rules the waves,

Like Neptune on the sea;

It's aircraft carriers sans planes,

As the old Empire's cash till wanes.

To Russia's open glee! (3)

The Royal Air Force also has,

A sovereign role to play;

With its old Public School aplomb,

And brand new fighters all sourced from,

The good ole USA! (4)

The British Police Force as we know,

Is honest to the core;

Thanks to its own corruptive acts,

That have leaked out in dribbling facts,

Crime's risen even more!

And British Leyland once produced,

Great cars that one could trust;

Built with a British guarantee,

To fail days out of Warranty,

With good old British rust! (5)

The British people are the best,

At making-up these tales;

Which cause all others to guffaw,

By clinging to Victorian lore,

With just their fingernails!

(1) Numerous people wrongly hanged and imprisoned.

(2) Our soldiers used torture in Aden, Malaya, Kenya & Iraq.

(3) British Aircraft Carriers have no suitable planes yet.

(4) The new American fighters are unreliable and expensive.

(5) British Leyland and its cars were considered a joke.

© Richard Layton