SEEMS LIKE A NICE GIRL! (weekly poem)

SEEMS LIKE A NICE GIRL!

(With apologies to Larry Grayson)

David Lewis, a 45 year old bearded Labour activist, was suspended by his

Basingstoke Party for trying to join a women/transgender-only candidate

list by declaring that he, “self-identifies as a woman on Wednesdays”.

As Wednesday's rolled round again,

It’s time to shave my chest;

And put the chicken-fillets in,

Beneath my Damart vest.

Last week I self-identified,

As Empress Bonaparte;

The men in white coats came around,

And whisked me off real smart!

I didn't have the accent right,

That's what gave me away;

But here at Broadmoor in Ron's cell, (1)

I’m hoping not to stay.

They’ve let me go to Basingstoke,

To be a candidate;

My oestrogen pills in my purse,

Where I will learn my fate.

I’ve said I self-identify,

As a gal in mid-week;

But Labour guys might feel me up,

And think that I’m a freak.

Coz Labour thinks that it’s so cool,

And really is, “like now”,

And having women-only lists,

Makes it just so and how!

It is discriminatory,

To have such things, it's true;

But as discrimination's bad,

It's something we must do.

So we’ll discriminate the more,

You know that it makes sense;

At least it does in Labourland,

Where it pays to be dense!

(1) Ronnie Kray. 1960’s London gangster who was called, “a fat

poof” by George Cornell, later shot and killed him inside the Blind

Beggar pub, Whitechapel, London and died in Broadmoor in 1995.

© Richard Layton