IT SAYS SO IN THE BIBLE, GUV! (weekly poem)

IT SAYS SO IN THE BIBLE, GUV!

The Guardian 3/10/17. The Archbishop of Canterbury

stated in an interview that he could not give a straight

reply as to whether homosexuality was sinful or not!

It says so in the Bible, Guv,

That sodomy's a sin;

So some sects who scorn same-sex folk.

Won't let the buggers in.

It states the Earth's the centre of,

The God-made universe;

Thus Galileo (silly man!)

Was being quite perverse.

It notes that women are all pants,

And so they can't be priests;

And furthermore, (it's news to me!)

They're all men-chasing beasts.

It says so in the Bible, Guv,

All species come from God;

So Darwin must have been just some,

Odd scientific bod!

Thus it opines that God made all,

Especially humankind;

But logic says quite the reverse,

That He sprang from our mind.

It holds that sickness will depart,

When devils are cast out;

But on old wives tales such as these,

New medicine's cast doubt.

It says so in the Bible, Guv,

The cloth used in our clothes;

Should not be mixed, so why this law?

Well, only heaven knows!

The Bible reckons there's one God,

For all eternity;

But Christian's say that's not quite right,

And cite the Trinity!

So Christians should forget gay sex,

And get their stories straight;

Before condemning everyone,

To an unproven fate! (1)

(1) Christians can't even agree amongst themselves on

Hell. Some believe in the original fiery furnace idea but

others water it down to mere “Estrangement from God”.

© Richard Layton