BEND IT LIKE BORIS! (weekly poem)

BEND IT LIKE BORIS!

23/3/16. Boris Johnson was accused by the Tory Chairman of

the Treasury Select Committee of misrepresenting E.U. policy.

“What is truth”? asked Pontius P.,

Reluctant to offend;

Replied the artful Boris J.,

(Who’s always keen to have his say)

“It’s something that you bend”!

Now many politicians tell,

‘A minor fib or two’; (Sic!)

But Boris seems to come alive,

When dishing out that bullshit jive,

On matters that aren’t true.

Chums being kind, say he’s inclined,

To just exaggerate; (1)

But when it comes to the half-truth,

His record since a Tory youth,

Suggests an inborn trait.

He seems to take great pleasure in,

‘Sandpapering’ each fact; (2)

But then, when all the chips are down,

He’ll wriggle and then play the clown,

With his known bumbling act. 

He’ll huff and puff and waffle on,

And claim he’s been traduced;

The sad thing is so many folk,

Can’t see that he’s a foolish joke,

And thus have been seduced.

With all these childish escapades,

It’s time he took a hike;

But just before he’s too far gone,

He should put stabilisers on,

His Barclays kiddies bike! (3)

(1) Boris claimed the E.U. had banned young children blowing up balloons &

the re-use of tea bags. Andrew Tyrie, Chairman, Treasury Select  Committee,

said, “This is all very interesting, Boris, except none of it is really true, is it”?

(2) In a 2013 BBC TV interview with Eddie Mair, Boris Johnson admitted to

“sandpapering” quotes in the Times, lying to his leader about an extramarital

affair and giving a friend the phone number of another friend who the friend

wanted to beat up. Mair told him, “You’re a nasty piece of work, aren’t you”?

(3) The London cycle hire scheme between Boris Johnson and Bob Diamond

of Barclays was terminated by the latter after paying half the contract price.

© Richard Layton