BRITANNIA CRAWLS THE WAVES!

The latest Royal Navy destroyers costing £1 Billion + each, have all

suffered engine and electronic failures and can’t fire their weapons.

The Royal Navy rules the waves,

The Empire to defend;

But recently the Service Chiefs,

Have soiled their War Department briefs, 

As they’re at their wits end.

They’re making the wrong waves at sea,

As their destroyers stall; (1)    

Which wasn’t what the M.O.D.,

In all its perspicacity,

Had quite in mind at all!

Ships radar screens become quite blank,

Their weapon systems flop;

And Britain’s own destroyer fleet,

Face phases whilst they’re quite effete,

By slowing to full-stop.

It’s British engineering built,

The British Leyland way; (2)

But in a nasty storm or squall,

They’re too far out at sea to call,

The man from the A.A.!

The politicians won’t admit,

The cost of the repairs;

Or who will be responsible,

For the forthcoming overhaul,

In this state of affairs.

Good readers, you may be concerned, 

About our ships high-tech;

And whether British warships now,

Resulting from the Trident row,

Have changed to ‘Corbyn-spec’! (3)

We’re fighting for democracy,

Embodied by the West;

Where candour and technology,

And market ideology,

Are nothing but the best!

So now as our destroyers fail,

Each lusty, busty crew; (4)

Led by those trained on Eton Lake, (5)

Know that our honour is at stake,

And know what they must do.

So stuck in the Sargasso Sea,

The prop snarled up with Kelp;

When threatened by the enemy,

(An enema-like recipe)  

Defiantly shout, “HELP”!

(1) Britain’s six Type 45 Destroyers cost over £1,005,000,000 each

and (when working) can outfight six of the previous Type 42’s.

(2) British Leyland’s policy seemed to be to build vehicles whose defects

were to be ironed out by their customers in their time and at their expense.

(3) Jeremy Corbyn, to appease Trident workers unions, has suggested Trident

nuclear submarines be built at enormous cost but not carry nuclear weapons.

(4) Mixed crews mean feminists have now won the right to die in battle.

(5) Eton Rowing Lake, Dorney, Bucks.

© Richard Layton