THE PATAGONIAN TOOTHFISH...! (weekly poem)

THE PATAGONIAN TOOTHFISH...!

(Dissostichus eleginoides)

The Government spent £400,000 over 10 years unsuccessfully

resisting the Guardian newspaper’s ‘Freedom of Information’

request for copies of the ‘Black Spider memos’ of Prince Charles.

CLARENCE HOUSE                  April 1^st, 1984.

Balls Pond Road

London N.1

My Dear Prime Minister,

The Patagonian Toothfish,

To strike a solemn note;

Is as a species having,

A job to stay afloat.

Because illegal fishing,

Is causing quite a loss;

And Mummy’s therefore worried,

For the poor Albatross!

And as you know, Dear P.M.,

When she’s not too engrossed;

Her Majesty likes Toothfish,

Upon her morning toast.

Camilla too, was saddened,

That last year’s Badger Cull;

Did not kill many of them,

And thus was awfully dull.

It’s true my Duchy cattle,

Did not get Bovine Flu;

But I’m your King-in-waiting,

So do what you must do!

And if you fail to heed me,

l warn you, my old cock;

Cock-up and it’s no knighthood,

And your head’s on the block.

So any future trouble,

With your bloody shower;

You’ll all be out of office,

Inside the Bloody Tower!

Yours, etc., Charles

© Richard Layton