THE PITS! (poem)

THE PITS!

Formula 1 boss, Bernie Ecclestone, paid a £60m

out-of-court ‘settlement charge’ to a German

Court to clear him of the charge of bribery.

“Please don’t deport me to the Scrubs,

For my alleged bribe bid; (1)

Find me ‘Not Guilty’ and I’ll pay,

Another lot by judgement day,

Of sixty-million quid”! 

“That’s small beer for the cash I’ve made,

For me and all my kin; (2)

Accept this lubrication and

Myself and all my greasy band,

Will take it on the chin”!

“As you can see, Herr Judge, I’m not,

The usual lowly crim;

My operation takes its cut,

Without me getting off my butt,

And profits from the skim”! 

“That’s why I’m able to afford,

To pay the court this ‘fee’;

It’s legally quite labyrinthine,

But ‘settlements’ that aren’t a ‘fine’,

Are more than fine with me”!

“It’s lucky I’m a billionaire, (3)

And not a working mug;

So I can pay for justice to,

Ensure me and my motley crew,

Stays free and out the jug”! 

“So if you’re charged with paying bribes,

And brought before the law;

It helps if one’s a wealthy toff,

To pay the prosecution off,

And make the law a whore”!

(1) Ecclestone admitted paying Gerhard

Gribkowsky $44m but denied it was a bribe.

(2) Ecclestone bought his two daughters properties

worth a total of £111m. His ex-wife, Slavica, 

received an estimated divorce settlement of £740m.

(3) Forbes estimate Ecclestone’s wealth at $4.2bn.

© Richard Layton