THE NEW ARCHBOSH OF CANT! - POEM

THE NEW ARCHBOSH OF CANT!
(Ex-oil executive, Justin Portal Welby, the new
Archbishop of Canterbury, is for Women Bishops 
--but ordinary Church members are against!)
                                                                             
The Primate will not ape his tribe, (1)
By monkeying around;
With women’s rights, as he believes,
That they’re not nuts but sound!

The Church hopes this ex-oil exec,
Will bring their claim on stream;
And ultimately realise,
The ‘Second Coming’ dream.

But marketing the dream won’t be,
A barrelful of laughs;
With seats for ‘Hers’ and sheets for ‘Hymns’,
Instead of output graphs.

The oil-rig platform’s there for him,
To drill the message in;
A crude extraction exercise,
To exorcise all sin!

And when the final product is,
Diluted at the pumps;
Will it still be polluted with,
The dregs out of the sumps?

Will it be a High Octane brew,
A tankful of Five Star;
Or just the same old sludge and fudge,
That’s brought the Church this far?

So will it be a Total smash,
That he will want to bless?
Or Jet-tison as a bad crash,
And send an Esso-s!?

A Justin-time cure for Church ills,
For fitness and good Elf ?                                
Or Portal to the Murco depths,
That end up on the Shell-f?

Is he a true man of the cloth,
Or just an oily rag?
And will his Hope-mobile win through,
Or will its chassis sag?

Some say religion’s had its day
And part of history;
And when at last, it disappears,
The better off Welby!

(1) The Laity at Synod voted against Women Bishops.

© Richard Layton