THE TRANSMOGGRIFICATION OF COPULATION
In the news Tory, Jacob Rees-Mogg, announced the birth of his sixth child
in July. For some, the thought of the priggish member for N.E. Somerset
engaged in the siring a child seems strangely disquieting and unhygienic!
My missive to Mrs Rees-Mogg,
Reminds her we're mating tonight;
The Queen's nurse will attend,
To ensure in the end,
The breeding goes spiffingly right. (1)
My heartbeat must not overshoot,
The twenty that's my normal rate;
As an untoward spasm,
Midway through orgasm,
Might mean I'll be Rees-Mogg, “The Late”!
Re safeguards relating to germs,
(God forbid our bods should entwine!)
I, of course, will enforce,
During coarse intercourse,
That no microbes jump onto mine. (2)
So, therefore, we should consummate,
In sterile conditions in space;
So my Rees-Mogg sprog-spawn,
Begets a sprog born, (3)
That can lead the whole British race.
Thus coitus took place in a void,
Not really a bonk, more a bank;
A deposit was made,
But no one was laid,
The process (like me) was quite lank!
(1) At Oxford, Rees-Mogg promoted his old-fashioned 'toff'
image and was known by other graduates as "Grease-Bog”,
“Please-Flogg" and "Rees-Smugg". He is a multi-millionaire.
(2) In the Guardian, Suzanne Moore, described Catholic Rees-Mogg as
“not a charming, upper-crust throwback but a thoroughly modern,
neoconservative bigot.” Marina Hyde called him “a faux eccentric” and
a “preposterous squit”. He’s anti-abortion, anti-same sex marriage,
anti-benefit rises, anti-climate change laws, pro zero-hour contracts.
(3) His sixth child is Sixtus Dominic Boniface Christopher Rees-Mogg.
© Richard Layton