THE GHASTLY NEW YEAR’S HONOURS LIST! (weekly poem)

THE GHASTLY NEW YEAR’S HONOURS LIST!

                               or

Let’s Plug the Order of the Bath for a Useless Shower

The ghastly New Year’s Honours list,

Has come round yet again;

For fans of the Moronarchy,

Who stand out in the reign.

The list, itself, supposedly

Is just compiled by Liz;

But we all know it’s the PM,

Who really does the biz.

On those ‘Folk who make Britain great’,

The gongs are then bestowed;

Like ladies with their lollipops,

Who help kids cross the road.

Or superstars like mini-skirt

Inventor Mary Quant;  (1)

Who singlehandedly outshone,

The staff of ‘War on Want’.

Apparent by its absence is,

The Blair Award for Peace;

It’s mentor tied up looking for,

Another hand to grease!

For ‘Services to Industry’,

You’ll get to be a Lord;

And joining the Establishment,

Has perks you can afford!

Donate a sum to Party Funds,

And play your cards just right;

Then make your payments regular,

And you’ll become a Knight.

The whole charade is just there to,

Suck up to vanity;

In its self-serving smugness and,

Its nod to majesty.

It thrives, of course, on flattery,

And the attendant fuss;

Exists to kid us that the nobs,

Are really there for us.

And if you’re one who’s in receipt,

Of all this ballyhoo;

You then can bask in all the glow,

As one of the charmed few!

(1) Made a Dame fifty years after helping

to popularise the mini-skirt in the 1960’s.

© Richard Layton